During times of adversity, where adults are anxious and the world feels suddenly different and unsafe, we need to take particular care of our children.
We are living through a period of upset and uncertainty at this time (nationally and globally). In Australia, we are gradually recovering from a devastating bushfire season, we have been shattered by the news that a father in Brisbane brutally murdered his family and now we are dealing with the daily disruptions and unsettling stories of panic, illness, economic impacts and loss of life associated with COVID-19. We are glued to our televisions, phones or devices, keen to hear the latest. We find it difficult to talk to each other without referring to these concerns and it surely shows on our faces and in our eyes.
It is timely that we take a breath and think about the impact of our responses on children and adolescents. Our children and young people need to know that the adults in their worlds remain their “safe havens”. They need to know that parents, carers, teachers and others are there to listen to their fears, to respond honestly, to help them understand what is happening, and to know that none of what has been going on will last forever, it will come to an end one day. We also need to keep reminding ourselves – this will come to an end one day!
To best support our kids, it is helpful to understand a little about how anxiety can present in children and young people. Often anxiety presents in behaviours that can be categorised as “fight”, “flight” or “freeze” responses. Sometimes, it presents as being “unwell”.
A quite common response from children and (particularly) adolescents – is they can take what they are feeling out on the adults around them. They can act in ways that suggest they blame you for their worries. This is very difficult to manage because it often feels so unfair. We need to remind ourselves that it is the “anxiety” within the child that is speaking.
In these challenging days ahead, we need to take steps to prevent (as much as we can) our children and young people heading down the road of unmanaged anxiety.
The first step is to manage our own anxiety. It is very difficult to help someone who is suffering with anxiety if you are anxious yourself!
An extremely helpful (yet not exactly easy) strategy is to examine your own self-talk (thoughts). This is very important as our self-talk influences our emotions, and our emotions influence our behaviours. If we want to behave in a way to help anxious kids, we need to practise using productive self-talk!
What are you silently telling yourself regularly throughout the day? Are you repeatedly thinking “catastrophe scripts”? Examples might be, “We are all going to get sick!”; “Our world will never be the same!”; “This will never end!”. If you are continually thinking “catastrophe scripts”, you are likely to provoke an internal anxiety response. One way to address this is to sit down and write out a list of more productive scripts and then start practising these. For example, “Some of us might get sick but we will deal with this”; “We will look after each other”; “Our world is different right now, but this won’t last forever”. By thinking productive scripts and working on managing your own anxiety, you are also modelling this approach for children and young people.
It is also important that adults take time out of their busy days to look after themselves, physically and emotionally. What types of physical activity can you include in your daily routines? What types of activity helps you to feel calm and at peace? Different people prefer different strategies. For example, some prefer quiet time alone whilst others prefer social engagement. It is important that individuals seek out what works for them.
The next step is to help the children and young people in our lives manage their anxiety and a key thing to remember is that anxiety responses are best managed through relationships!
Parents need to turn off the television, phones and devices and dedicate good time to just being with their children, playing with and talking to their children. They need to remind them that the world that they have known before COVID-19 (for example) is still here. They need to remind them that they are safe and loved. At times, we need to distract them from their concerns with purposefully, pleasurable activity!
School communities can be a “safe haven” for anxious students. Take the time to listen to and acknowledge students’ concerns. Be honest as you answer their questions but always reassure them that things will improve with time. It is important that the school day is filled with other engaging and pleasurable activity and does not fall back into focusing too much on anxiety producing topics. If you are working on campus, it can sometimes be preferable to chat individually with highly anxious students, rather than in a group, as serious anxiety responses can be a bit contagious amongst peer groups!
It is also very important that teachers realise that there could be students in their classes who have also suffered complex trauma (abuse, neglect, violence, etc.). Some of these students might be living in out-of-home care and some may not have consistent access to safe and available carers. These young ones are quite at risk of severe anxiety responses and we need to take extra care with them. Unresolved complex trauma can leave children and adolescents with a highly sensitive “fight”, “flight” or “freeze” response and this could be exacerbated during times when they feel unsafe. With these cases, harmful relationships have led to the trauma – and safe, warm and responsive relationships are the “medicine” they need. Schools are in a great position to provide these types of quality, “healing” relationships.
Schools are currently considering how to best support students whose homes are now quarantined due to COVID-19 and due to the move to on-line teaching and learning. Again, relationships are the key.
Of course, all on-line interactions with students need to be conducted within appropriate professional boundaries and via each school’s approved platforms and processes. However, it is important to recognise that many students will be anxious about their rapidly changing worlds and it is important that teachers connect with students in a relational manner each day, just as they would on campus. Students need to know that they are still in your thoughts. Warm, safe, caring and consistent relationships (even if delivered on-line) can really help to reduce anxiety.
And, whether parenting or teaching, one of the best strategies to help young children and adolescents with anxiety is – remember to smile regularly!
We are living through a period of upset and uncertainty at this time (nationally and globally). In Australia, we are gradually recovering from a devastating bushfire season, we have been shattered by the news that a father in Brisbane brutally murdered his family and now we are dealing with the daily disruptions and unsettling stories of panic, illness, economic impacts and loss of life associated with COVID-19. We are glued to our televisions, phones or devices, keen to hear the latest. We find it difficult to talk to each other without referring to these concerns and it surely shows on our faces and in our eyes.
It is timely that we take a breath and think about the impact of our responses on children and adolescents. Our children and young people need to know that the adults in their worlds remain their “safe havens”. They need to know that parents, carers, teachers and others are there to listen to their fears, to respond honestly, to help them understand what is happening, and to know that none of what has been going on will last forever, it will come to an end one day. We also need to keep reminding ourselves – this will come to an end one day!
To best support our kids, it is helpful to understand a little about how anxiety can present in children and young people. Often anxiety presents in behaviours that can be categorised as “fight”, “flight” or “freeze” responses. Sometimes, it presents as being “unwell”.
- Anxiety in children can present in various ways. Some children behave in challenging ways – becoming angry and defiant (fight). Some become quiet and difficult to reach (freeze). Some can show symptoms of illness, perhaps nausea or dizziness. Some seem quite okay on the outside – but inside their minds are racing and their stomachs are churning.
- Anxiety in adolescents can present in similar ways – but their behaviours can become more difficult to manage. If they present with “fight” behaviours – physical or verbal aggression can occur. If they present with “flight” behaviours – they can take off – out of the classroom or school or home, with little explanation. If they present with “freeze” behaviours, young people can shut down psychologically, isolate themselves and in very concerning circumstances – can think and act in impulsive or self-harmful ways.
A quite common response from children and (particularly) adolescents – is they can take what they are feeling out on the adults around them. They can act in ways that suggest they blame you for their worries. This is very difficult to manage because it often feels so unfair. We need to remind ourselves that it is the “anxiety” within the child that is speaking.
In these challenging days ahead, we need to take steps to prevent (as much as we can) our children and young people heading down the road of unmanaged anxiety.
The first step is to manage our own anxiety. It is very difficult to help someone who is suffering with anxiety if you are anxious yourself!
An extremely helpful (yet not exactly easy) strategy is to examine your own self-talk (thoughts). This is very important as our self-talk influences our emotions, and our emotions influence our behaviours. If we want to behave in a way to help anxious kids, we need to practise using productive self-talk!
What are you silently telling yourself regularly throughout the day? Are you repeatedly thinking “catastrophe scripts”? Examples might be, “We are all going to get sick!”; “Our world will never be the same!”; “This will never end!”. If you are continually thinking “catastrophe scripts”, you are likely to provoke an internal anxiety response. One way to address this is to sit down and write out a list of more productive scripts and then start practising these. For example, “Some of us might get sick but we will deal with this”; “We will look after each other”; “Our world is different right now, but this won’t last forever”. By thinking productive scripts and working on managing your own anxiety, you are also modelling this approach for children and young people.
It is also important that adults take time out of their busy days to look after themselves, physically and emotionally. What types of physical activity can you include in your daily routines? What types of activity helps you to feel calm and at peace? Different people prefer different strategies. For example, some prefer quiet time alone whilst others prefer social engagement. It is important that individuals seek out what works for them.
The next step is to help the children and young people in our lives manage their anxiety and a key thing to remember is that anxiety responses are best managed through relationships!
Parents need to turn off the television, phones and devices and dedicate good time to just being with their children, playing with and talking to their children. They need to remind them that the world that they have known before COVID-19 (for example) is still here. They need to remind them that they are safe and loved. At times, we need to distract them from their concerns with purposefully, pleasurable activity!
School communities can be a “safe haven” for anxious students. Take the time to listen to and acknowledge students’ concerns. Be honest as you answer their questions but always reassure them that things will improve with time. It is important that the school day is filled with other engaging and pleasurable activity and does not fall back into focusing too much on anxiety producing topics. If you are working on campus, it can sometimes be preferable to chat individually with highly anxious students, rather than in a group, as serious anxiety responses can be a bit contagious amongst peer groups!
It is also very important that teachers realise that there could be students in their classes who have also suffered complex trauma (abuse, neglect, violence, etc.). Some of these students might be living in out-of-home care and some may not have consistent access to safe and available carers. These young ones are quite at risk of severe anxiety responses and we need to take extra care with them. Unresolved complex trauma can leave children and adolescents with a highly sensitive “fight”, “flight” or “freeze” response and this could be exacerbated during times when they feel unsafe. With these cases, harmful relationships have led to the trauma – and safe, warm and responsive relationships are the “medicine” they need. Schools are in a great position to provide these types of quality, “healing” relationships.
Schools are currently considering how to best support students whose homes are now quarantined due to COVID-19 and due to the move to on-line teaching and learning. Again, relationships are the key.
Of course, all on-line interactions with students need to be conducted within appropriate professional boundaries and via each school’s approved platforms and processes. However, it is important to recognise that many students will be anxious about their rapidly changing worlds and it is important that teachers connect with students in a relational manner each day, just as they would on campus. Students need to know that they are still in your thoughts. Warm, safe, caring and consistent relationships (even if delivered on-line) can really help to reduce anxiety.
And, whether parenting or teaching, one of the best strategies to help young children and adolescents with anxiety is – remember to smile regularly!